Getting Old
by Calm77
Summary: Oneshot. A mockery of the Cloud and Sephiroth continuesforeverafterdeathandtheendoftheworld rivalry.


Disclaimer: Not mine.

A/N: This is humor, satire, it's meant to mock nothing more. Don't be offended, I love both the boys and Tifa but I love to mock them too. Flames will be ignored. CC is welcome.

Enjoy!

Getting Old

So here they were. Again. In a completely new world where the dead happened to be alive again and a new evil threatened. Or something like that.

Whatever.

This was getting _old._ So was he. Enough was enough.

"You do realize this is getting really old, right?" Cloud's question was definitely not what Sephiroth had been expecting. Surprise flickered briefly across his face before the mask or indifference settled back into place.

"I suppose so…"

Whatever else Sephiroth had planned on saying was lost as Cloud flatly interrupted him.

"This is what, the fourth time we've done this? What gives? And what's the _point _anyway now? Jenny-O the fucking space alien of a 'mother'of yours is gone, ShinRa's gone, hell Hojo's gone. You aren't working on godhood or whatever, if you were really working on this Darkness thing you would've squashed the Keybearer – and I know you can – so what the fuck are we doing this _for_?"

Crossing both arms over his chest, Cloud stared expectantly at the other man. He felt a bubble of laughter beginning inside him at the openmouthed stare Sephiroth was giving him. The Zack-part of his mind was also gaping incredulously at him. How something incorporeal could gape he wasn't sure but it managed.

"Uhhh…"

Thoroughly enjoying the turn this conversation was taking, Cloud waited a long moment as Sephiroth's jaw shut with an audible click before continuing to rant at the other man.

"Well? Hmmm? And then there's this shit about you being my Darkness. If you're my Darkness then that makes me the default Light in this relationship. That makes us sound like a couple but hey, whatever. So if I'm your Light – considering I don't think there's a random Dim state for the in between – we've got issues 'cause I'm a pretty rotten Light for going around trying to off you. _And_ – oh shut it I'm not done yet, you got to give me how many monologues so suck it up – if there's Darkness in me then considering how connected we are, there's Light in you. Which means this is completely pointless, because if everything's about balance and there's always going to be equal amounts of Light and Dark then if I 'give in' as you put it, then you'll become the Light and I'll be the Dark. Unless of course, 'giving in' to 'my Darkness' is really a bad pick up line and if so I suggest you get out more or just bloody spit it out already."

The Zack-parts of Cloud's mind were applauding his statement enthusiastically, adding a wolf-whistle at the end for emphasis. The rest of him was busy trying not to laugh at the expression on Sephiroth's face. When utter and total silence followed, Cloud sighed and finally started walking forward. It was a testament to Sephiroth's shock that he didn't seem to notice or react.

Cloud waved a hand in front of the older man's face to finally get his attention after waiting for a few patient minutes. Sephiroth gave a violent start. He hadn't realized Cloud had gotten so close.

"How did you get there?" he demanded harshly.

Cloud chuckled. "I walked. Very slowly."

More silence. For an ex-general, Cloud mused, the man was_ really _slow some times. He waited (_again_, the Zack-mentality chimed) for Sephiroth to finally break the silence.

"What about being free of the Darkness?"

Cloud fought back another sigh. Good lord the man was _dense_. But he supposed an explanation wouldn't hurt. It was just a last minute excuse anyway.

"Can't have Light without Darkness and vice versa. Just gotta find the right balance, that's all. Without Light Darkness would destroy itself and without Darkness life would be boring."

"Oh…I suppose…"

Another blank stare. Cloud wondered how hard this very simple concept was. Unless the man _had_ actually meant it as a pickup line. _Oh yippee! More waiting. Seph must've swallowed his tongue. Better check _- Cloud gave a mental swat in Zack's direction. Waiting was ok, for now. He could deal with waiting. A deep breath alerted him to Sephiroth's return from the recesses of his mind. Well, that and his eyes had focused again.

"So now what?"

Cloud blinked. He hadn't been thinking that far ahead. In fact he'd been rather expecting to be stabbed with the Masamune. An idea occurred.

"Coffee sound good? There's this place in Traverse Town, makes really good coffee. Might have to kill a few dozen Heartless to get there, but I think we can handle it."

"Sure. Lead the way."

"Right. I'm sure we can find some place to wreak wanton destruction on afterwards."

"I was thinking we kick Hades' ass."

"Sweet! He'll never know what hit him. Oh shit."

"What?"

"There's Tifa. She's kinda stalking me. Ah damnit, I thought I lost her."

"I remember her. Here, I'll teleport us."

"Got it."

"Cloud."

"Yeah?"

"That might've been a pickup line."

"Oh. Really?"

"Really."

"….It'll keep Tifa off my back."

"Unless she likes to watch."

"Nah, not her. Aeris'll want to but not her."

"I never would've thought Aeris was that kinky…"

"You'd be surprised."

"I am."

"And you don't get to be a dominance hog either."

"I can deal with that I guess…"

The pair disappeared.

_The end._


End file.
